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Caretaker~~Parallax~~Phage~~ExPost Facto~~
Prime Factors~~Heroes and Demons~~Faces
Threshold
For Caretaker
After the Buggles' Video Killed the Radio StarAction Kate Killed The CT Array
I saw you, hands on hips, at Auckland, sevn'ty-one;
You'd get your old friend back before your job was done.
And I was young and not so cured of being dumb.
(Here we go)We got here looking for my *friends* in the Maquis,
Ripped to the Delta Quadrant with technology
Made by an alien who used us just to breed.
(Eew, how gross)We met Ocampans;
(Cavit's toast)
We got B'El and Kim.Action Kate killed the CT array
Action Kate killed the CT array
Now we're here prob'ly to stay.
(Quite a ways to go)So then, we met up with some Kazon on the go;
Tricobalt filled the screen and made a real big show.
I got my pips back, the CONN was all my own!
(Course for home)You made some en'mies.
(We're alone)
You took in Maquis.Action Kate killed the CT array
Action Kate killed the CT array
All in all, I like my fate, but I'll fly well, if for your sake.
(Set a course for home)
(Rationed joe to come)(Musical interlude -- Tom does some "loop-de-loops")
Action Kate killed the CT array
Action Kate killed the CT arrayAll in all, I like my fate,
Still, we'll get back one of these days.
Don't feel bad we're a bit late --
Put the blame on that array.It's the...Delta Quadraaant..........
We're in...the Delta Quadraaaaaaant..........Action Kate killed the CT array
Action Kate killed the CT array....
For Parallax
After Erasure's Chains of LoveFire the Dekyons
Why should I complain when Chakotay forced you to choose?
No use to explain -- Joe's nose got broken.How I remember -- Not long ago,
When I was still Maquis,
We blasted Cardie ships apart.
We used to argue 'bout the repairs,
Say the Fed was unfair,
Break some bones to get there.Temporal
Mechanics --
Aced it.
Together we'll fire some dekyons
Doc's shrunk up, we've irked Chuck.
Icebreaking with you in a shuttle -- Fire the dekyons.How I remember -- The academy,
When Chapman slapped me down,
Bore four dis' hearings ere I quit.
Now ironically, I outwit Carey
Took over the briefing,
Made chief of engineering.Quantum Phys,
Warp Theory,
Aced 'em.
Together we'll fire some dekyons.
Getting crushed, Doc's all mushed.
'Fore *punching* the ship through the rupture, we used dekyons.
To escape we released dekyons.True, I did disdain when there were two ships we could choose.
And 'twas a simple choice -- the port or starboard.Distortions made us shake like jell-o;
Your hairdo stood up, though.
Now I've got my own console!Warp on line
By thirteen
Hundred?
Impossible! Kiss my dekyons!
To Staff : "*Please*" -- Carey: "Peace."
I'm chief engineer since the day we fired dekyons.
Together we fired dekyons.
For Phage
After the Pet Shop Boys' It's a SinVidiians
When I look up at the ceiling,
It's always with a great disdain;
I've never liked white tile frames.I only sought to make some food,
Now both my lungs are gone, boo hoo;
It's because of Mister Goo.It's the, it's the, it's the -- Vidiians
VidiiansIn my life I've had such fun.
There's so much that I can do,
What I'd do for some new lungs,
And to neuter Paris too.Vidiians
On Voyager I tried to be
A cook for Starfleet and Maquis
I took Kate's room for me.But Captain Kate got Goo to help
They plucked a lung from Kes, my elf
And now she's nurse for Doc Jekyll.It's the, it's the, it's the -- Vidiians.
VidiiansKate said she'd use deadly force
If they used her chicks as game.
But you know they will, of course.
Doc, please scratch my nose again.Vidiians
Sweeting, forgive me, you know you can't do this:
Turn over your lungie, so they'll saw through it.
Darn right I feel jealous -- he'll swoop cross my daisies.
Sweeting you're so brave -- Yes, I know you care
Now that I'm off holo-air.So now I'm back to my cool life,
Brewing up java plop instead
Of Capitan Janeway's favorite blend.For all the grub I seek to serve,
No matter what stomach's disturbed,
Just one thing gets me unnerved --It's the, it's the, it's the -- Vidiians.
VidiiansLeola Stew is comin' soon.
Paris, get your hands off Kes.
I'm the guide, the cook, the dude;
Here's the Alka-Seltzer test --Vidiians.
Ex Post Facto
After Yaz's SituationSituation
Blue-eyed gets into a situation,
Sneaking through the doorway of Tolen Ren
Bored wife's there but Ren is out;
Rainsoaked, he can't do without.Don't mess around;
You're going down;
You're in it now;
Don't screw it up, just get out.Tom was off carousing at late hours;
Numiri need to convey some power.
Tom's unsure what's going on,
Now he's got a new prison.What do you see?
You'll go loony.
Don't you blame Harry.
Gettin' sick of that false mem'ry?Paris (6x)
Tuvok's on the case; he does a mind meld.
Peoples 'gainst each other, and Tom's brain held
Info that Baneans had; Lidell's
Doggie knew the bad guy's smell.Paris -- your butt is saved;
Paris -- Baneans forgave
Paris. Yeah you made mistakes,
Don't repeat that, for your sake.
Prime Factors
After Midnight Oil's Beds Are BurningPD's Burning
Out where Sikari roam
And bring good food to Janeway's tongue;
The slick dude Gath moves in on Kate
When Kim's news breaks their date.Trajector's fun,
And useful too
To get us home.
But Gath poo-poos :
The tech is ours;
The rule's a fact;
It belongs to us,
You can't have that.How can we get the trajector working?
Janeway can't cope if PD is burning.
Soon Sesk' and Joe make B'Elanna's ears ring
Temptations lurk, so PD is burning.Now Harry's come
The plan to squeal --
He'd been offered
A black market deal.Shore leave's off, no help, Kate says,
But Tuvok's traded libraries.
Torres' nightmares come true though --
in anti-neutrinos.The ship could blow
'Cause of their tech.
B'El phasers it,
But still looks sick :
We screwed up big
My fault's a fact.
I'm an officer,
I won't go back.How can we get the trajector working?
Janeway can't cope if PD is burning.
Going 'gainst rules got B'El's tummy turning;
Tuvok's logic got Kate's PD burning.The time has come
To hear Kate's wrath
To bear the stare
And to cringe -- Yes, Ma'am.
Now Tuvok's turn :
--How could you dare?
--My logic's correct,
But it was I in err.Transgressions -- none after Janeway's searing;
But t'was easy to get PD burning.
For Heroes and Demons
From The Thompson Twins' Doctor, DoctorDoctor Schweitzer
I saw you there
With a big spear
And I spoke of all your woruld-ar.
And in the den
Ate venison
I'm the dude--I make measles vaccineFreya, please
Release my knee
Oh, I can feel the longath in my holo-licDoctor Doctor
Can't you see that Grendel's comin'?
Oh, Doctor Schweitzer
Photon Beings burn you.Eeek, that light
Gave me a fright
It ate my arm and glowed like a Lite-BriteMushrooms grow
Nice on that stone
But they will make your holo-tummy moanDoctor, Doctor
Give back Photons for Harry Kim
Oh, Doctor Schweitzer,
Do some fancy dealin'Oh Doctor, Doctor
Chuck and Tuvok need returnin'
Oh Doctor Schweitzer,
Don't muss your first missionPoor Freya, Unferth's a creep
Now I'll earn my fame
For her I'll go valiantly
But ne'er be the same.Doctor, Doctor
You completed your first mission
Oh, Doctor, Doctor
Guess you're name's still missin'Doctor, Doctor
Your first trip from sickbay's confin's
Oh, Doctor, Doctor
Ever thought of singin'?Now I've seen,
touched holo-leaves,
Now let's see what's in Fed's library...For Faces
After REM's Driver 8DNA
He took B'Elanna, half by half
Race divided one by one
And the mad Vidiian said, mine to take, DNA
DNA did I break, by the way my name's SulanAnd Klingon B'Elanna said, give back my DNA
Sulan said, let me play, I can save my population
(Still it's safe to say, that the cure's in DNA)The dark cellblock on the outskirts of the mine:
Tom Paris says, They're the ones with the weapons, to Pete Durst.
B'Elanna, he soon saw, was human,
She recalls hurts in all the years, her forehead, dad leaving.And human B'Elanna said, stomach ache, nerves, headache.
Then they took Durst away; for the Klingon, they would flay him.
(Courage means, Tom says, can have fear and still be brave)
(Klingon B'El sees Pete Durst's face, and she pops the cuffs away)Back in the cell B'El sees, a way to get themselves soon freed.
Caught, then pow, he's beat -- looks up and sees herself, a Klingon, then sleeps.The rodent on a spit, she complains, not hungry.
Klingon's trouble, weak Human--How to escape?
You do backup, me--I'll do hacking -- paired the B'Els start their plan,
Only to meet up with Sulan.And the mad Vidiian said, won't forsake DNA--
You I'll take, them I'll bake; thought we had it going on.And Klingon B'Elanna leapt in the wake of the bake,
Life foresaked, told B'El wait, that B'El acted with true courage.(Need genome replaced, human she would rather stay.)
(Need both parts to be complete, B'Elanna touches her face.)
For Threshold
From Depeche Mode's People are PeoplePeople Aren't Lizards
Lizards are Lizards
But why should it be
You'd yank out your tongue and grin real big at me?People are people
So how could you think
To break loose from sickbay and come kidnap me?Now we're different species
And different breeds
Since troubled young pilots go very fast speeds
It's obvious you'd fight me
When I'd poo-pooed your flight
But then I'd finally let you so from whence comes this spite?I can understand
Why such a man'd
Think to top Cochrane
And do it againParis choked coffee
Sent Torres scrambling
To find out the reaction to warp ten speedsCorpses aren't lizards
But it came to be
Though Doc suspected death by Neelix's feedsGrody lizard hand...
It's the ampho-man...You'd been whining
And recalling
Great things they'd said you'd be
I'd relied only on you recovering
Though lizard babies scattered
I'd hope they won't be missed
It's just difficult to explain how
Females start lizard trystsI can't understand
What made that man
Take his own captain
Out to all-points landLizards aren't people
So why pick on me
Knock me cold and take me warp ten joyriding?People aren't Lizards
So how can it be
Officers could mutate oh-so gruesomely?I do want children
Someday I'd planned
Just not with that man
So much for command...&c.
Egad, why didn't someone tell me 15 years ago I wore too much eyeliner and hairspray?! ; )